Hi, I’m Katie!

I’m so glad you’re here. I’m a family law attorney in Virginia, and I’ve spent my career representing women exclusively in divorce, custody, and support cases. I can tell you from experience that one of the first questions I get is about men. “Where are the resources for men?” “My third grade teacher’s ex boyfriend’s cousin divorced a woman who was seriously crazy.” “Why women only? Isn’t that discrimination?” “Moms have the upper hand anyway, what’s the point?” On and on and on.

Do you like facts? I like facts.

1. There’s a wage gap in this country. Women earn 84 cents on the dollar to what men earn; for mothers, the gap is even more pronounced. Moms earn 74 cents on the dollar compared to dads.
2. Until the 1970s, women couldn’t get credit cards or mortgages in their own names; they also couldn’t get no fault divorces. (And, in fact, New York didn’t have no fault divorce until August 15, 2010.
3. Women have only had the right to vote in this country for a little over 100 years.
4. In the scientific community, women are less likely to get published; similarly, their articles are less likely to be cited.
5. Professions that typically female are lower paid; if women move to a formerly male-dominated profession, lower wages follow.
6. More than 80% of women in the United States have access to absolutely zero paid maternity leave.
7. Women experience more personality-related criticism than men, including that they should watch their tone, be less aggressive, and smile more. Women are called bossy, abrasive, emotional, irrational, and the list goes on. Men, though? They’re praised for these same traits.
8. Women who are characterized as overweight or obese earn, on average, 9% less each month; men, on the other hand, are paid 4.9% more.
9. Though most states have laws against marital rape, at least thirty states have adopted laws that include different criteria that mitigate the criminality of the rape – like if the wife was sleeping or otherwise incapacitated.
10. All of these numbers are even more pronounced when you adjust to compare for black and brown women.

Is it any surprise, then, that there is also discrimination in divorce? And all of these inequities add up significantly over a woman’s lifetime, and are exacerbated in a divorce. In about 60% of cases, the man is the higher wage earner.

It’s kind of a complicated dynamic. Men and women today often start out making a similar amount of money – which skews the statistics on this point – but after children are introduced, the wage gap becomes even more pronounced. Without paid family leave and affordable childcare, women are often forced out of the paid job market and, even in the case that women continue working, they often do so for less money. Part time and remote work options are notoriously scarce and offer fewer benefits, too. There is also some stigma; working moms are generally assumed to be less commited and less valuable than male (and other childfree) coworkers, missing out on promotions and raises that are offered to other, less qualified, employees.

By comparison, fatherhood harms a man’s employability far less.

The Impact of Divorce on Women

But I’m not an employment lawyer; I’m a family lawyer. All of this impacts women, too, because economics is a leading driver when it comes to whether a woman can actually afford to leave her marriage and, once she does, what the cost to her will be over the coming years.

It’s both a question of access to divorce and the impact of divorce on women, both of which add up to create an atmosphere that prevents women from having access to basic rights.

It would be disingenuous to pretend that it’s all bad; in many ways, women enjoy more rights today than ever before in history. It’s probably the best time ever to get a divorce – though that’s not to say that divorce is easy or that there aren’t challenges that uniquely impact women. THAT is why it’s important to have a woman only attorney.

It’s not that men don’t need legal representation – they certainly do. It’s just that, if they’ve come here to get it, they’re in the wrong place. There’s an attorney out there for them (literally almost ANY other attorney), but that attorney just isn’t me. And if you, woman or man, have an issue with that, then you’re probably in the wrong place, too. No hard feelings, but also – don’t let the door hit ya, you know?

If your girlfriend needs a divorce, well, she’s lucky to have a friend like you. Not everyone understands how heartbreaking and demoralizing it can be to live, year after year, in an unhappy, unsatisfying, unfulfilling, or abusive marriage. She’s lucky to have an advocate like you in her corner.

On this page, I’m going to do my best to answer the questions she’s too scared to ask, and help you provide support to her. One thing, I think, is universal: women who need divorces have to decide for themselves that it’s time to end their marriages. It’s not a decision you can make for her, but you can be a mirror to her that reflects back her worth. You can educate her, support her, and offer her options. Let her know what’s out there.

Let me help.

Words of Wonder