Welcome to Divorce: It’s been waiting for you.

Just because it’s probably the best time in the history of the world for women to get a divorce doesn’t mean that it’s an easy thing to do.

Not only that, but getting access to up-to-date, state-specific information can be tricky, to say the least.

You’re scared to look for it. Will someone see your search history? Will a retargeted ad mean that your husband sees a strange ad in his social media feed? Is he using tracking software – digitially or in the real world – to determine what you’re up to? Will he see charges on your credit card if you meet with an attorney? If you go to a support group or informational meeting, will you see someone else you know? If you “like” something on social media, does that mean it’s practically public information?

There’s a lot of secrecy around divorce, and often for good reason. Not only is the period between separation and divorce a particularly dangerous time for many women, but there are also strategic considerations at play. Women initiate divorce around 70% of the time – but that doesn’t mean that you want him to find out about it in a less-than-desirable way. You want to control the narrative a bit so that you can help bring about the ideal end game situation. There’s a lot at stake.

Hi! My name is Katie Wilcox Carter, but please call me Katie. I’m a Virginia-based family law attorney, and I’ve spent the last (almost) 13 years representing women exclusively in divorce, custody, and support cases. I’m still practicing as an attorney in my firm in Virginia, but over time I’ve increasingly found that there’s a gap between divorce-related information and the women who need it.

Though I’ve blogged for years, written a number of books and free reports, and given live seminars on divorce and custody in Virginia professionally, I find women literally everywhere who need more guidance than they’re getting. It matters because the choices that you make early on in the process often dictate the results that you’ll achieve, both in the sense of the quality of those results and also the amount of time and money it’ll take you to get to that point.

It’s funny – well, not funny, like “haha,” but more amusing – how people act when they meet me in public. My answer to the, “So, what do you do?” question gets a couple typical responses, but few people engage with me on the topic in the moment. More often, they wait until later – they corner me when I’m away from the group or they add me as a friend on social media and send a DM. “Hey, girl,” they’ll say – and not just when they’ve started a new venture with an MLM.

It’s scary to admit that your marriage is on the rocks – and it’s even scarier to take proactive steps to get the information you need. But you know when women AREN’T scared to ask me questions? When they’re “asking for a friend”. Do you have a friend who needs divorce information?

To protect everyone here, we’ll move forward under the assumption that everything shared is meant to be shared by a well-meaning friend with her girlfriend, who happens to be going through a divorce.

It’s kind of a “don’t ask, don’t tell,” sort of situation. Because, hey, we’re all girlfriends here.